I have seen stats that suggest 60 to 80 percent of men cheat on their wives for years now. In fact, if you ask ChaCha you will get a similar answer. ChaCha on!(ChaCha post coming soon). My point? Sixty percent is sixty percent! That includes celebrities, politicians, collage graduates and blue collar workers. Like it or not, it even includes religious figures – aah, except Catholics. We need to bump that percentage up a bit for Catholics, at least if we count little boys. That’s gonna leave a mark… That’s Right, I Said It!

My business proposition to Tiger Woods:
Tiger, I offer my privacy assurance and Mr. Wolf style damage control services to you. I can act as an unofficial go-between for your little indiscretions. I can interview a group of young hotties for you and select one or two discreet specimens waiting in the shadows for your counseling. I can have one waiting in a private limo disguised as a PR guy or journalist. I can field all those tabloid inquiries and set-up bullet proof alibis. You will no longer have to make public confessions like, “I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart” and public apologies like, “For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology“. You will be able to hold your head up high and proudly state, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman and Brian D. Hawkins can prove it“!

Like your yacht, ‘Privacy‘ is my middle name. Have your people contact my people.

Disclaimer: In accordance to the FTC’s new advertising guidelines, I’m afraid I must actually use and approve of any recommendations I forward to Tiger or his staff. It is my responsibility to adhere to all legal requirements and I take my business seriously, even if it puts me in the 60 to 80 percent of men category. Sorry Kim, work ethic is work ethic.

If I have offended you in any way it was for the sole purpose of securing a lucrative position on the Tiger Woods staff and I hope you will comment below to straighten me out. You should not be subjected to this type of offensive content.